Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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