Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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