youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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