So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
