you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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