if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
