Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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