I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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