The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
