NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
