The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
