If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
smell my finger.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
