Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
pop tarts are not kleenex
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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