So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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