She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
