My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
