To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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