a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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