i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
don't judge my taste in strippers
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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