so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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