There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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