if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
