Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
