I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
