If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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