You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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