she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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