I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
