This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
