mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
