We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
