dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
