All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
