u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
