if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
