Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize