I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
