I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
