these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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