dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
