Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
