My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
