I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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