at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
