He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
