I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
