So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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