you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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