I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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