I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
