I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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