I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
