Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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