at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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