It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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