Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
