So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
