Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
