You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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