I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
