i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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