If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
