You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
