i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
