Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
