Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
