guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
