"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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