Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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