I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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