hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
3 2 1 whiskey
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
