I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
