so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
