I got chris browned last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
