Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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